literature

Her Kind of Magic

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DimefortheDevil's avatar
Published:
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Literature Text

There once was a girl;
entire heavens sprang from her fingertips.
If you asked nicely
she would tell you what the very angels' singing sounded like.

Her eyes, the brightest shades of silver,
were the twin suns in this enchanted world that she dreamed.
Her sky was vacant and dim in the day
because her suns eclipsed each other
and burned the brightest during the night.
She explained once in a whisper,
she needed some light to keep the monsters away while she slept.  

An entire day would go by before she blinked;
she murmured once that she didn't want to miss anything.
Only a fragment of a second to us
could play out to almost a lifetime for her.

Sometimes, I would faintly wonder what that felt like,
to have an entire solar system mapped onto one's thoughts,
when mine totalled to barely a single star.

She was the kind of girl you only meet once in a lifetime.
It's short and sweet. I didn't really think that this would work as poetry, but I feel like it needs some special format, like straight lines don't really do this justice. So it became a mashed up sort of prosetry. Does it work?

*I submitted this to a few groups as a piece of prose, but a few days later I actually switched up the poem to poetry. I'm too lazy to remove it from all of those groups to re-submit, so just know it was at one time prose.

:bulletblack: There's little transition between stanzas, topic-wise. Does it flow well? Is there anything I should cut out/add?
:bulletblack: Does the piece do well as free verse poetry, or would it have been more meaningful as prose?
:bulletblack: The title... do you like it? Any ideas about other ways to word it?
© 2011 - 2024 DimefortheDevil
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xXxPunkPixiexXx's avatar
This is so pretty :'D